The case for not shrinking yourself

Last week.
I received a message from a former patient.

I was sitting at my desk between appointments,when the notification popped up.

We had not spoken in a while. I opened it and read her words.

“It’s too expensive for me right now.”

And she could find support cheaper.

The old me would have felt a rush of guilt.

Tight chest. Racing thoughts. 

The urge to explain myself or immediately offer a discount.

This time, something different happened.

I thanked her for telling me.

I wished her well in finding an option that fit her needs and budget.

Then I went back to work. No spiral. 

No price cutting in my head.
Just a quiet awareness that I had changed.

Why am I telling you this?

Because my reaction to that message had nothing to do with pricing.
It had everything to do with who I used to be and who I am now.
And that is the same place many women get stuck.

The hardest part of feeling better in midlife is not always your hormones.
Often, it is the identity you are still carrying.

The version of you that has to change

You might recognize her. She tells herself it is just stress. Just age.
Just a busy season. Mornings start with tired eyes in the mirror. 

Clothes fit differently.
Patience is shorter. Words slip your mind.

Same “I will take care of myself later.” 

It is not because you are weak.
It is because this version of you is familiar.
And familiarity often feels safer than change, even when it hurts.

The caretaker you built. For years, maybe decades, you have been the one other people lean on.

You answer the late text.You take the extra shift. You host the gathering.

People see you as strong. Reliable. The rock.It becomes part of your identity.

So when you even think about investing time, money, and energy in your own health, it can feel wrong.

Selfish.  Like you are breaking an unspoken agreement.

And the people around you may not quite know what to do with a different version of you.

The version who rests. Who sets boundaries. 

Who says no without a paragraph of explanation.
Who spends money on her own care.

Some will call it “too much” or “doing the most.”
Often what they really mean is.  “You are not sacrificing yourself for us the way you used to.”

The suffering that starts to feel normal

In my practice, I meet so many women who have been uncomfortable for so long that discomfort feels like the baseline.

Hot flashes. 

Mood swings that feel like someone else has taken over. Weight that will not move, no matter what they try.

They say things like.
“I guess this is just menopause.”
“This must be what getting older feels like.”

Underneath those words, there is often a quieter belief.
“I am not supposed to expect more than this.”

So they settle into a version of life that does not feel good.
Not because a better version is impossible.
But because the current one is familiar, and familiar feels safer than the unknown.

A small moment that changed everything

That message pulled an old pattern into focus for me.

For a long time, I would twist myself into knots trying to be financially comfortable for everyone.  Lower prices.  Squeeze people in. On the outside, it looked generous.
On the inside, it was draining.

At some point, I made a quiet decision.

I was not going to keep shrinking myself so that everyone else could stay comfortable.

Not in my pricing. Not in my schedule. Not in my life.
I stopped asking. Will this make other people upset?

And I started asking. What is the cost of staying this way?

You might not make the same choices I did.
But you have your own version of that moment.

Maybe it is the time you said yes when you wanted to say no.

Maybe it is the realization that everyone else is thriving on a version of you that is slowly burning out.

The bottom line

The version of you who always says yes, always holds it together, and always goes last is expensive. She costs you sleep. 

She costs you health.  She costs you years of feeling like yourself. So here is my question for you this week.

Where are you still choosing the older version of you because it keeps everyone else comfortable?  

And what would it look like to choose the version of you who actually feels well.

Reply and tell me what came up for you while reading this.

Rooting for you,

Dr. Beckford

3 ways I can help whenever you are ready:

Menopause doesn’t have to suck.  Book your complimentary consultation today and get a plan to stop suffering:  https://www.trulybalancedwc.com/complimentary-consultation

Grab your Metabolic Reset Guide to kickstart effortless weight loss: https://www.trulybalancedwc.com/metabolic-reset-plan

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